If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize