I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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