Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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