Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
