Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
