If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
