so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
