Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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