Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
accomplished twins. life is a go
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
