dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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