I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
