There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize