I've blown a few things in my day
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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