Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
