It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
