Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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