A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
