I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Bring me that man meat
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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