life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
