no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
