what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
