god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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