We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
