nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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