I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
