do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
