Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
