this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
