oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What a dumb baby whore.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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