fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
