Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
