he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
