there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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