he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
