Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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