I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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