My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
