What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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