I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
