Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
