I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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