Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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