bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
