I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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