i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
