if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
