She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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