Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
