And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
