I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
