im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
