omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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