i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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