I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
