in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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