Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
