I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
