I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My Higher Power is John Stamos
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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