I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
