dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
