i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
