If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
