Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
