i just wanna soil my oats bro
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
