he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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