Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
