he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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