How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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