my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
