it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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