I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
