I'm laying in your front yard are you home
one might say we're banned from that church
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
