I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
