remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
