onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
