He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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