we made out on top of his cat.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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