dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
